Sunday

I slept over with Craig on Saturday night.  It was a tough night. He was awake or someone was in here every half hour. His blood sugar was in the 80s so he could drop fast and they wouldn't come back to check him for 2 hours. I would fall asleep and worry they hadn't checked him for awhile. I would call the nurse and they'd come in and wake him up and check him.  It went on like that until about 5:30 am and I decided I couldn't sleep anymore because I was just too nervous watching him.  He was asleep pretty soundly now and I went home to sleep in my bed.  Craig called me about 10 am and the first words he said is "I'm done".  He said, "Do you want to have me home and have nights like that?"  It's hard to say yes because no one wants to live like that.  He was sad and upset and felt like everything we've done to try to preserve his life has only made him feel worse.  He said he feels like he's back to the same problem we came in with added problems.  Nothing has really changed.  He's still unable to keep up his blood sugars on his own and if he doesn't have the glucose drip constantly going in him he will die.

Chase and I came up about 11 and Craig requested a Frosty from Wendy's so we brought that up and he enjoyed a few spoonfuls.  He was feeling very down and didn't want anyone visiting. We had a very tearful phone conversation with Maddie.  It is hard to have her across the country again.  The nice thing is we have the luxury of conversations like this where we can say the things we want to say.  So many families don't get this time.

Dr Whisenant came in and we discussed our options.  The doctor says he's surprised we haven't had an obvious effect from the Y90. It's been 4-5 days and we should have seen something by now.  He suggested trying octreotide (an injection that lasts 8 hours).  Craig had taken this drug at the very first of his cancer battle and it caused bad side effects like flushing, diarrhea and high blood sugars. We don't know how it would react in his body now but Craig wasn't sure he wanted to try it.  Everything they suggest is just a bandaid.  Craig likes the metaphor: "It's like throwing an ice cube at a raging fire".  We told the doctor we'd think about it.  We also asked him what would happen if Craig chose to not take any more dextrose.  He said he would within hours experience the effects of low blood sugar and go to sleep as his brain is deprived of sugar.  They would keep him out of pain with morphine and he would gently slip away.  It would most likely take no more than a few hours or perhaps a day or so.  Craig likes to feel he has some control by knowing he has this option.  He would be able to stay here at Huntsman and it would be a peaceful event.

The blood sugars are still being held up by the dextrose drip and the extra D50.  Craig hasn't felt like eating at all today. His pain was higher and the nurse gave him more oxy than he usually has and that made him pretty sleepy for a few hours.  He feels like his nights are turning into his days.  Just trying to endure to get through the hours.  When he awoke we went for a walk outside and sat and looked at the mountains.  The evening was mellow and we kept it quiet.  I am so thankful to have Chase here right now to keep me sane.